The most intimate relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. It’s the one relationship that you know you’ll be in for the rest of your life.
Most importantly, the relationship you have with yourself plays a huge role in your connections and friendships, has a major effect on your health and happiness, and shapes your life.
The way you treat yourself will often be reflected in the quality of your relationships. People will take their cues from you, as to how you deserve to be treated. Recognise that you set the standard – so you might as well make it a high one. Treating yourself badly gives others permission to do the same.
Additionally, when you self love, you stop relying on a relationship to bring you happiness. Relationships are never a sure thing. They will have their ups and downs. They can end. If you are codependent or single – expecting someone else to fill you up – you’re relying on an unreliable source. When you self love, you’ve got your own back. You remain centred regardless of relationship phases or status.
So what does Self Love look like?
It’s more than a feel good moment like having a bubble bath or gifting yourself a massage. Self Love is a practice, and often initially requires an integration process. The following are some ways to incorporate self love into your everyday. When we practice these consciously, self love will more likely become a default way of being.
WAYS TO INTEGRATE SELF LOVE
1. Act on what you need rather than what you want
What we want and what we need is often not the same. Sometimes something will appeal to us, but by sticking with what we know we truly need in a given moment, we are able to break old behavioural patterns that have ultimately hurt us in the past. Maybe you want the sugar, the sex with your ex, the bender, the drama. But by having the strength to feel into what you need above and beyond your impulse desires, and then honouring yourself, you will feel far better in the end.
2. Practice good self-care
Nourish yourself daily with healthy activities – good food, exercise, time in nature, plenty of sleep. When you take care of your body properly, you’ll have more energy and vitality, which builds self-esteem. Think of your body as a loving vessel, and be intentional about how you treat it.
3. Set boundaries
Bring attention to how you spend your emotional, mental and physical energy and be honest about whether these activities are good for you. Do they nurture you, bring you joy, light you up? If not, it may be time to set some boundaries. To politely draw the line in the sand, setting limits or saying no to work, relationships or activities that feel like they harm or deplete you.
4. Speak kindly to yourself
Bring attention to the messages you tell yourself throughout the day. You may be surprised at how many negative self-deprecating thoughts are running on repeat. Having awareness of the way you put yourself down is the first step to taking action around it. As soon as a nasty thought pops into your head, interrupt it and replace it with a self-love mantra or kind and loving words.
5. Refuse to seek permission or approval to be yourself. Drop the constant people pleasing and appeasing
Worrying about what others think about you takes energy. Most people are thinking about you way less than you think they are. Stop wasting your time on these thoughts. When you have your own approval and acceptance, you start caring less about other people’s opinions and begin living a life that’s aligned with your own core values.
6. Grow yourself
Begin a journey of self-discovery, personal growth and evolution. Learning about yourself, experiencing new discoveries and updating the way you view the world will expand the way you think and naturally shift you out of habitual patterning. Happiness is an inside job. When we get our internal world sorted, our external world falls into place.
The entire Tantric system and practices have been designed to guide us towards self love, self discovery and personal expansion. We’ll be exploring all of this and more at the upcoming Relationships Workshop. Book now to secure your place!
And please note, Emma will be taking a good portion of 2020 to focus on her growing family. So this will be the final Relationships workshop for some time!