Got 5 minutes? Learn the greatest sex tip ever.
I often get asked for techniques on how to be a better lover. No matter how much I learn about sex and relationships my answer is always the same – and it’s not some fancy trick that can be performed with hands, mouths or genitals.
No, really. And I can’t reiterate it enough.
I’ve heard so many stories about what makes good sex and what makes bad sex, and most often it comes down to the ability to be there, fully. Do you want to be an incredible lover? Then trust me, be present to your partner and more than half your job is done.
So, what does it mean to be present?
Presence is a state of being when you are fully aware of the present moment. You’re not distracted by the mind or the ego. You are not doing, you’re simply being. You may be aware of thoughts that come and go, but you don’t entertain those thoughts. In lovemaking, you are completely aware of and present to yourself, your body and your partner. And this state of being can take you places you’ve never been before.
Are you ready to present your partner with your presence? Here’s how:
Begin at your breath.
Breathing helps to bring you out of your head and into your body. When you’re more present in your own body, you’ll be more present to your partner.
Get in the zone.
When you’re touching a certain body part, zero in on it completely. Focus, and feel how your hands or mouth make contact with their body.
Look for the signs.
Is your partner breathing more heavily, has their skin flushed with heat, are their eyelids fluttering? Respond to your partner, moment to moment. Be aware of them in all that you do.
Relax into it.
This is less about performance, more about play.
Make eye contact.
This is a simple and beautiful way to connect back in with your partner, to let them know you are still ‘with them’ and to create more intimacy.
Avoid becoming goal-oriented in your lovemaking. Your partner’s orgasm is not something to be ticked off your to-do list. Sometimes the most incredible moments in lovemaking are found in the journey, rather than the destination. Slow it down, give it time, let the energy build.
Be here, now.
There is nothing more important to think about, nowhere more important to be. And here’s the thing: it’s not just about being present as a giver, but also as a receiver. If the mind wanders, bring yourself back, over and over. Use a mind message to override the mind chatter. Ask yourself ‘What’s alive in me right now?’ or ‘What can I feel?’ Zeroing in with complete attention on wherever your partner’s hands are touching can also help bring you into the moment – and into your body.
If you want to understand presence more fully (and learn more mind-blowing techniques) join me at my next Sexuality Workshop on February 8-10, 2019 . You can book your spot here!